Last September I gave way to a long-standing dream and signed up for a history class at a nearby liberal arts college. For years I’d been inwardly yearning to know the heroes who paved the way for my liberated lifestyle as a modern woman. History of Women and Gender in America looked like the perfect opportunity.
While I was expecting campaigns and protests and impassioned characters, once class began I discovered I was utterly unprepared for the fire I felt watching the world of women transform or for the connectedness I saw with my own work in diversity and workplace flexibility. When I wasn’t studying, I found myself haranguing my husband on Republican Motherhood, woman’s suffrage, and the Feminine Mystique. The more I read, the more we discussed in class, and the more I wrote, the stronger I felt the importance of these reforms and of the individuals who worked so hard for them. And the more I understood how we got where we are today – as women, yes, but also as a society working to incorporate lessons served up by women that address the needs of all people.
As we made our way through the decades, I thrilled at the expanding freedoms of women – property ownership, reproductive control, access to the workplace, increasing freedom from violence, and so many others. However, I couldn’t ignore a nagging observation that many attempts to better women’s world seem to have funneled us into new and different configurations of prescribed choices. I began to reexamine the reasons behind changes championed by fiercely brave, intensely motivated women like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Florence Kelley, and Margaret Sanger, as well as the lives of the women themselves. I began to ask “Why did they do all this?”
What is the point of all this progress? And how do we know when we’ve arrived? These questions weighed on me for days until an epiphany struck, as it often does, during a morning walk. One approach to measuring the effectiveness of a particular reform is to assess how much it contributes to three measures of individual success:
- Contentment: Enjoying a level of personal wellbeing that enables us to look in the mirror each day and honestly feel good about who we are,
- Growth: Learning and growing toward the potential we feel is within us, regardless of our life circumstances of choices, and
- Giving: Contributing to a greater good outside ourselves, on whatever scale or plane is appropriate to our current position and stage of life.
If we truly recognize and value the wonderful diversity of our backgrounds, beliefs, desires, and needs, we will legitimize a broad range of options for women (and men) that free us to configure the life that works best for us individually, considering both those we support and those who support us. We will create an environment of opportunity, mutual respect, and cooperation.
Throughout the coming year I’ll be writing on themes inspired by various readings from last semester’s class. In the meantime, I’d welcome your thoughts on what we who champion work/life progress are really fighting for. And how do we know when we’ve won?